Prepare

gnomeknifeProtecting Yourself from Garden Gnomes The best thing you can do to protect yourself is to stay away from all Garden Gnomes, day and night. They generally go dormant during the day, which is why you might think them harmless or cute. But at night, they are very volatile and are easily provoked. If you are bitten, you will probably die, but there are a few precautions you can take.

Always carry glow sticks. If you can, wear an activated stick at all times, but at the very least, carry several with you. Gnomes are deathly allergic to hydrogen peroxide, one of the solutions inside a glow stick. The combination of hydrogen peroxide and brightly colored lights terrifies them. If you see a Garden Gnome, wave the glow stick at it, and it should run away instantly.

Not a friend of ours.

Not a friend of ours.

Carry a spray bottle filled with hydrogen peroxide. You don’t want a gnome getting close enough to you for you to use this, but this is your best up-close defense. You can kill a gnome with hydrogen peroxide, but if you do, leave the area quickly. Garden Gnomes will seek immediate vengeance for the death of one of their own.

Cats or other felines (including Pumas, Cougars and Jaguars) appear to have no fear of garden gnomes and may provide you and your family with valuable protection.

Bengal Kitten upside down

The liabilities of keeping a cougar or puma in your yard are relatively obvious however, the protection that you may receive from these animals can far outweigh the risk of a sudden unprovoked attack from them. A puma attack would be far easier to fend off than a garden gnome attack.

 

Be safe, and please, DO NOT PUT A GARDEN GNOME IN YOUR YARD! Trust us, if you do, it will try to kill you as soon as you are alone.

5 thoughts on “Prepare

  1. Pingback: The Garden Gnome Uprising is Imminent. Be Prepared. | Garden Gnome uprising

  2. I was attacked today. Out of the blue one tripped me and made me fall right one the other. Those hats they wear… They are crazy serious and can do damage. I won’t be able to walk for weeks with out honking about the gnomes.

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