Medical

In full disclosure, there is not a large amount of medical information available on gnomes or treatment of gnome attacks.

While the standard forest gnome has been studied ad nauseum, not much is medically known about garden gnomes except for their allergies to hydrogen peroxide.

Some theorize that the garden gnome does not actually have a fully functioning heart. It is believed that they are fueled by rage, broken dreams, and smashed hopes.

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Another oddity is that garden gnomes have approximately 12% more bones in just their feet. The reasoning behind this incredible adaptation to nature in unknown but current beliefs lead researchers to theorize that this helps them float in ponds, which may add a significant advantage when performing a surprise attack.

The following image was taken from a research facility in Kent Washington. It clearly shows the additional bones within the Pedo region.

If you are bitten:

If you are bitten, seek medical assistance immediately.

Our researchers reviewed thousands of attack files to determine overall gnome bites. This data was then overlaid with the overall mortality rate of a gnome attack.

The data clearly shows, if you are bitten you will not survive.

gnome-chart-bites

 

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